Beautiful in More Ways Than One

Uh huh….it was that kind of morning. Let me start off by saying I HATE MORNINGS. I feel like Mad Madam Mim in Sword in the Stone “I HATE SUNLIGHT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!” Today was no exception. Roman has been a bear in the morning. No cartoon is good enough, he doesn’t want the breakfast I make, he doesn’t want to get out of his dinosaur pajamas, he doesn’t want to go to daycare mama!!!!! Remember how I said I hate mornings? Well, add a disgruntled barbarian to the mix and things are bound to get a little out of hand. Yes, we had a fight. Now, before you think the worst of me, it wasnt a fight, it was one little person and one big person arguing and yelling about how this was going to play out. Ultimately I won, but I felt horrible for the rest of the day, even after apologizing on the way there.

Thoughts like I didn’t need to yell, I’m the grown up, I probably scared him for life, why couldn’t he have worn his dinosaur pajamas to daycare it wouldn’t have hurt anything, I could have made another breakfast, I’m the worst mom ever ran through my head. Yeah, needless to say today (while extremely busy) was sooooo long. I couldn’t wait to go get him.

Then other things ran through my head like as soon as I apologized he was fine, why can’t I be like that? Am I doing everything I can to make our bond strong as steel? Am I spending my free time focusing on him? I’m pleased to say that while I feel that I have fallen short in all of these questions, I have re-learned a very valuable lesson.  This beautiful baby boy is my reason for breathing, my reason for laughing, my reason for pulling out of the hard times an even better person. I love him more than life itself and he is the best thing I have ever done in my whole life. I will be his fiercest fighter, and biggest cheerleader. I will love him unconditionally, leave my pride at the door when time needs, support his happiness whether I agree with it or not, and tell him how proud of him I am without any suggestions or instructions.  I will never make him hurt when he hurts me, and always give him ample kisses and hugs. I am his mother, and while I may not be perfect, I will try. He deserves at least that.

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